Monday 7 October 2013

Relationships, Advice, Annoying Advice Givers, Irrationality and How Chocolate Is Better Than Gold ;)

"Let me tell you where you're going wrong in your relationship" said the single person to the person having relationship issues.

I can imagine you right now. Reading this blog on your laptop/computer/phone sitting on your sofa, travelling on the train, walking in the cold, or sat in a cafĂ© feeling slightly awkward because you're waiting for someone but you don't want to seem like a loner. So you've got your phone out to try and look less lonely to others. And you've decided to take a look a my blog. Thank you by the way! But I can predict two different responses by two different groups of people. Those off the market and in a relationship will tense up at the above sentence. That sentence will send a shiver down their spines as its remind them of a certain someone offering "friendly advice" on their relationship issues. Then there's those that are single. I can imagine you slumping down in your seat, getting more comfortable, like sipping a warm creamy hot chocolate on a cold winters night, smug smile on your face. You've either offered this "advice" to someone or you're just happy that you haven't got the hassle of relationship issues.

Anyway, either way, we all know who I'm talking about. That one friend who has never been in a proper relationship, or hasn't been in one in a while, or is perhaps even newly single but immediately grabbing singleness by the horns. Or maybe you are that friend.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am that person. As much as it pains me to say it, I am that single friend who gives advice out on how to try and heal a relationship. However, I have to stress, I don't offer this advice. I only give it out when asked. When a friend is stressed out about an issue that he/she has, I may be one of the people they turn to. And I'm happy to help if I can. I like to think I'm pretty unbiased when it comes to stuff like that. I know how important and yet fragile relationships are and I'd never try and get involved in someone's issues. I've got enough of my own and I'm not drama's biggest fan. Like, if drama was walking towards me on a street, I would cross the road. Heck, I'd cross a motorway without a pedestrian/zebra crossing to avoid it. And yes, I know a motorway doesn't have crossings anyway but I'm saying it to add effect. Is it working? And also, anyone that knows me knows that I hate crossing any sort of road. Safety is a big thing for me and no matter how clear the road is, I will wait for the green man before I cross that death trap.

So anyway, through my 19 years in this world I've witnessed many relationships. Wait. . . that makes them sound like murder. Let's rephrase that. Through my 19 years in this world I've observed many relationships. Many. But I'm not complaining. Even though I'm not currently in one, I feel I'm ready to handle anything a relationship throws at me. *Famous last words*. But really, I think my observations have paid off and I think I've learnt lots about relationships, particularly about how some guys and girls think.

*** DISCLAIMER: Emphasis on the some guys and girls. I am not implying that all guys and girls are like this. So please don't twist my words and please don't take me wrong. This is just my humble observations that I thought I'd share. ***

So I was talking to a friend about this whole thing. There's that whole stereotype about guys being players and going off with other girls and such like. But I've noticed an increase in girls doing this recently. I'm not saying girls never used to be like that. But in my life, I've recently seen more and more leave good, respectable guys for other guys.

Now, there is that whole argument that we don't know what goes on behind closed doors and we don't know what has moved the person to take such drastic actions. But in my opinion, nothing condones unfaithfulness. If it's not working out with your boyfriend/girlfriend and the relationship is really beyond repair, just end it. Don't go off with someone else. As hard as it would be for someone to take the fact that you're ending the relationship, wouldn't it be better for them to know that it ended because stuff just wasn't working out, rather than being told that you've found someone else?

But anyway, this friend and I came to this conclusion: for some guys, it's looks that attract them most. Beautiful girl and then personality comes after. Not to say personality doesn't matter to a guy. That's not what I'm saying at all. But for girls, we say we're looking for someone genuine. Someone who can make us laugh maybe? I don't know what your big thing is but mine is humour. A guy that can make me belly laugh means a lot. But that doesn't mean that any guy that makes me laugh will instantly have my heart. But it helps. It's a requirement for me. But I'm not one of those girls that says looks don't matter. Because they do. I'm not being shallow, I'm being real. There has to be a physical attraction. Don't deny it! But that doesn't mean that he has to look like a model and every girl that walks past him practically palpitates and faints. I don't care what others think about him. As long as I'm attracted to him, other people's opinions don't matter.

So anyway, this is the conclusion: Guys look for a beautiful girl. If a beautiful guy gives a girl attention and tries to get to know her, it will make her feel beautiful. Because she has it in her mind that guys automatically go for beautiful girls. And if she's never had that before, it will feel even more special. Because it is special. So if things work out and beautiful guy starts going out with beautiful girl, yay for them! But then this can get to beautiful girl's head. She might start thinking that because this beautiful guy was attracted to her, maybe the possibilities are endless. Who else could she get? And so the competition within herself begins. And she falls into a trap. And finds someone else.

Again, this isn't the case all the time. And the proverbial tables could easily be turned and a guy could find himself in this position. But this is just my observations of a few relationships I've observed.

So people, I think my message today is all about appreciation. Appreciate what you have. Because if it's good, it's worth keeping hold of. And I'm not just talking about relationships. This goes with pretty much everything. Look for the good in what you have. If it's broken, try to fix it. If it's good, make it even better. Because good is hard to find. But I'm convinced that when you've got it, you need to keep tight hold of it.

Oh just a side point, Cadbury's are doing this thing where you might find a bar of gold instead of chocolate in one of their dairy milk bars. Now, this is rather exciting. But me currently being a menstrual minstrel, I'm in that select time of month where nothing is positive and everything is a great big negative. Want to know how finding a bar of gold in your chocolate wrapper is a negative? I'll tell you. . .

Maybe I just want chocolate. Maybe I've walked all the way to Morrisons, bought myself a chocolate bar and slowly tortured myself by waiting until I walked all the way home again to open it and dig in. I will have gotten into my JimJams, set up residence on the sofa with a duvet, glasses on, ready to watch my daily chain of New Girl followed by the Mindy Project. I will probably have a glass of either Coke and Milk, a cup of hot chocolate, or a cuppa chaa. I'll probably have forgotten my chocolate in my bag which is miiiiiles away (on the other sofa... about half a meter away but it still requires me to get up). After sighing and moaning, I'll get it, reassume my seat on the sofa again, open the wrapper ready to devour this much anticipated bar of gloriousness when BAM! It's a bar of gold. I would cry. I'm not even kidding, I would cry. Because all rationality, sensibleness, common sense, and everything else, has left me. I want my chocolate. And I would sacrifice my right arm for it.

Yes you may say that if you cashed the gold you could buy a million bars of chocolate. But that takes time. And it requires me to get up and go and change my clothes and walk and wait. I can't handle that. I need the chocolate.

Guys, if you're reading this, those top two paragraphs have probably freaked you out no end. To be honest, reading it back, it's made me feel a little bit scared of myself. But it's true. Even I can't believe how awful I sound. But this is a glimpse into a woman's mind when she's at her most vulnerable. So just accept it. And like that meme that's currently been circulating the 'net for about 3 years says:

"If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is.
If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her".
 
Ha! And you all thought that meme was created purely in jest. Nope. It was created by a menstrual woman. Or a guy who's been seriously injured by a menstrual woman and therefore learnt from his mistakes and is kind enough to warn other guys about it ;)
 
Just a piece of advice I thought I'd share ;)
 
Keep smiling folks!
 
Ditzy xXx

Tuesday 1 October 2013

Compliment Freely Because We Are Beautiful

Hello there cupcakes! I hope you're all good and deliciously glorious as ever ;) (Yes, 'glorious' is still among my favourite words at the moment).

Today I've decided to talk about beauty. It's not going to be a soppy, girly, emotional post, so don't worry. But the inspiration behind this is from a comment that was left on my last post. The person (Anonymous) shared a link that really was amazing.

I found the actual YouTube link which is here. . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=litXW91UauE

This is an experiment that Dove conducted. It involved a group of women who didn't know each other and a Forensic Composite Artist called Gil Zamora.

The ladies didn't know what was going to happen. One by one, one of the women would enter a room. Gil was in the room, but he had his back to her so that he could not see what she looked like. She had to sit behind a screen and answer questions that Gil asked about her looks. She would explain prominent features, distinct marks or scars, face shape, etc. Gil would then draw her according to the way she described herself.

Then, the woman was asked to get friendly with one of the others. Afterwards, they would come back and explain the looks of each other, alone. Gil still hadn't set eyes on any of them, but he drew them as the person described.

I'm not sure if this is making any sense, which is why you really need to watch the video. It's only 6 minutes long and just so much easier than reading my written description.

However, the ladies were then revealed both pictures Gil had drawn of them; the first being how they described themselves and the second being how someone else described them. The contrast was unreal.

Whereas the self described pictures were harsh, rough, and quite intimidating, the ones where they had been described by someone else were so different. They were beautiful. Each and every one.

One lady in particular described her own chin as rather large. She said her mother always said she had a big chin, which made her believe she actually did. Let me tell you now, this lady's chin was not big in any way. My thoughts were confirmed when she was described by someone else as having a small narrow chin.

So anyway, this made me think of all of us. We all have things about us that we don't like. That will never change. For example, I think I have a very harsh jaw line. Like, a man would be jealous of my jaw line. No joke. I also think I have a big nose. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to get people to say "oh you don't have a weird jaw line or big nose". To be honest, I've learnt to live with it and I take the mick out of my imperfections. To make light of something, makes it almost non-existent. That's how I feel anyway.

But this video made me rethink all of this. I'm not saying that I don't have a harsh jaw line and big nose but maybe it's not the centre of attention on my face (even though my nose is at the centre of my face, but you know what I mean). Maybe some nicer features of my face take away the harshness of the not so nice areas.

Am I making sense? I really don't know if I am. I'm tired and my Chronic Fatigue/ME has been messing me up big time lately. But anyway, hopefully you get the gist of what I'm trying to say.

Maybe our imperfections aren't so big in reality. Maybe we focus on them so much, that they take away the prominence of our nice features in our minds.

So this is what I've decided to do. I've decided to compliment more. I don't find it hard to compliment people. I don't get filled with jealousy if someone is thinner than me, prettier than me, dresses better than me, is more popular than me, etc. I've been brought up to say if I like something. For example, if someone I hug smells nice, I will say "oooh you smell fab!" and then I will give another hug, while deliberately inhaling and savouring that glorious scent. This is known as the "Double Hug" and I am regularly associated with it. Sometimes I'll even go into a triple hug. Also, if someone I don't know walks past me and has amazing shoes, I will tell them. That may make me out to be a weirdo but let's face it: I am a weirdo. Also, you don't know what difference that small compliment will make in that person's life.

However, I can't stand people who find it physically impossible to give out compliments. I don't mean people who are too shy. That's fine and understandable. However, I mean the people that hate the fact that someone else looks good and therefore they refuse to compliment and just stand afar giving daggers to that person.

I don't have time for people who are like that. Compliment freely, people. But just don't get creepy ;)

So, if you see someone with nice shoes, a good tie, epic cufflinks, amazing hair, or a fab personality, TELL THEM! Don't hold back! There is so much negativity in this world. It really can make a difference if we just compliment someone once a day.

And to those that find it difficult to take a compliment, just say thank you! Don't deny it. You know the whole scenario:

Complimenter: "Oh wow, your hair is so amazing! It's such a lovely colour!"
Complimentee: "Ugh no it's not. It's horrible. I hate it."
Complimenter: "Oh. Well. I really like it. I wish I had hair like that."
Complimentee: "Thanks but you really don't. It's so horrible. In fact now that you've reminded me of it, I want to go and shave it all off because it's so ridiculously horrible that I think I'm going to cry and have a nervous breakdown and then I'll raid the fridge and eat everything because I'm so depressed about it and then I'll get fat and then I'll get down about being fat and then I'll feel sorry for all the starving children of Africa because I'll feel like I've eaten all the food I could've sent to them and then I'll spiral into further depression and end up not being able to work and not being able to pay rent and then end up living on the street drinking cheap whiskey out of a brown paper bag and I'll die a horrible, lonely old woman with 5 stray cats surrounding me and I won't even have hair because I shaved it all off. "

You see? Wouldn't it have just been easier to have said "thank you" and then left it at that? Someone once said that a compliment is like a present. If I gave you a present, all wrapped up beautifully you wouldn't refuse it. So why refuse a compliment.

So people, compliment freely, accept them freely and just be happy. We haven't got time to be miserable. Or self destructive. Just be happy. And spread a little happiness to everyone else too because it feels good!

Keep Smiling Folks!

Ditzy xXx