I'm Back! Hello From The Other Side (. . . and other cringe-worthy song violating titles you can think of. . . )

Ugh how long has it been since I last spoke to you guys?! I'll tell you how long. . . 17 months! And I know that sounds like an overbearing mother saying her child is 24 months instead of simply 2 years old but I needed to emphasise the enormity of the matter. 17 months of no pointless ramblings from a slightly demented, verbally gesticular heap of a person. "Verbally gesticular" isn't really a term by the way but it seems fitting for how I feel. In fact, "gesticular" isn't a word but it doesn't matter because it's satisfying to say. Say it. . . "gesticular". Glorious, right?

So, if you've followed my trail of pandemonium, you'll know that I started doing vlogs on YouTube. It was just another platform I wanted to try out since I love talking so much and to be honest, my friends seemed to enjoy them as much as I liked making them so that was pretty rewarding in itself.

Then I got ill.

********** SHOCK **********

********** HORROR *********

********** DISASTER **********

***boo hoo/sob sob/waterworks/sighs of pity/too bad/oh what shame/life goes on***

Now I'm on the road to recovery. So I thought I'd say hi, inform you that I'm not dead and let you know that I plan to be here to stay. I miss writing my scattered thoughts down and I miss hearing your reactions to my posts. So I've decided to start blogging again, with maybe the occasional vlog thrown about here and there for good measure.

A lot has happened over the past year or so but I feel like it'd be redundant to talk about it all. Though it has to be said, despite everything, my love of food is still heartily intact. So I'm almost back to my old self with a bit more wisdom and a smidgen more body fat but ya know what? That's okay. Because I'm in a pretty bright place right now. And nope, it's not because I have a 100 watt light bulb in my lamp (don't ask).

So basically this is my big:

"Hello, it's me, 

I was wondering if after all these months you'd like to read, 

To go over everything. 

They say that times supposed to heal ya, 

And I've done quite a lot of healing actually. 

Hello, can you see this? 

I'm sat behind this screen in England with a cup of tea. 

And it's raining. . . and cold, 

I've forgotten how it felt to be able to feel my feet.

There's such a difference, between my posts

And a million thoughts.

Hello from the other side

I must've wrote a thousand times

To tell you I'm sorry for not posting so much

But when I sit down to write, my brain turns to mulch

Hello from the outside

At least this post that I've designed

Is something that I'm a little bit proud of.

And I hope that you think it's not -overly soft

For a blog."

Okay I had a lot of fun writing that. It was totally unplanned. I intended to just write "this is my big "hello, it's me, I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to read" but then it escalated like a Bollywood movie/Telenovela explosion (yep, I'm hooked on Jane The Virgin). It's actually so cringey it's giving me butterflies but I can't have a big Adele-like break and not come back in Adele-like manner, can I?

So anyway, let me leave before I absolutely, unapologetically obliterate another song.

Keep smiling, folks!

Ditzy xXx

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Weird Words & Nostalgic Nougat

Hey guys how are you? So I have 23 minutes to types out this post... And  I have false nails on (gel tips if you're beauty inclined. I'm not. I still get nervous when people ask me about them because I'm worried I'll say it wrong. The long tips aren't mine the the under-nail is and I don't want to answer your nail related questions because I don't know enough about beauty so goodbye). But I decided to get Mario Related nails so I got Toad, the mushroom head, painted on and I love them! What do you think? They match my hella old phone case perfectly!

My phone case and my nails. Yeah... I really love all things N64 lol.

The only thing is, being diabetic, I have to do blood tests a lot. But everytime I do, it looks like I'm shooting Toad in the head. The fact that blood then splurges out doesn't help =/ Oooh but isn't 'splurge' such a fab word?!

I know, I really should have them removed now...

So, apologies for not writing sooner but I have been mega busy with work, coursework and other stuff. But I've been thinking a lot about words recently. I mean, my job involves a lot of written work that can't be copied, so everything I write for my job has to be completely original. So I figured I'd have to take on Eminem's sort of early days tactics and read a dictionary every night to learn new words and incorporate them into my writing at work. I've been in this job since February and I haven't picked up a dictionary, nor have I opened the dictionary app I got specially for starting this job. Great start, right?

But anyway, recently it came to my attention that my imagination plays a huge part in my idea of wordplay. You see, certain words reminds me of the weirdest things. I'm sure your mind does this too, so if it does, let me know in the comments below! (Oooh that rhymes!)

But here are some examples of the sort of thing I mean:

Glorious: If you've read my previous blogs, you'll know what I'm talking about but for you new readers (welcome!) here's the thought the word 'glorious' outs in my head. This is taken from my Septmeber 2013 post called 'Gloriouosness + Rainbows + Jelly +Sunshine = A Gloriously Happy Mix!'

"'Glorious' is now my new favourite word at the moment. It's just so. . . glorious, isn't it? And it's also so terribly pretentious. Sort of like, "Yes, I am glorious. I am the epitome of glorious. And I know it. And I shall emanate gloriousness to everyone, everywhere. And I am also made of strawberry jelly. Which is also glorious. Because I am glorious.""

Chuffed: I don't use this word a lot but I've heard people say it. I do love it though because it reminds me of Cheerios (the breakfast cereal) wearing little furry jackets, happily jumping into a massive bowl of milk (and, unbeknownst to them, their death. But they're totally unaware of their impending milk macerated demise...)

Touché: I love this word! Like really love this word. It reminds me of a mix between the Monopoly Man and Poirot, tipping his hat whilst tweaking his mustache.

Poirot and Monopoly Dude. I suppose they're pretty similar really.

Chickweed: I discovered this word a while ago when I was texting someone. I was going to call them chicken but somehow auto-correct changed it to 'chickweed'. I liked it so I sent it anyway and now it's become a pet name for most of my close friends. But this reminds me of a little chick wrapped in weeds and nesting material to keep warm whilst eating my mums chickpea curry. Well, it's better than the alternative of a chick smoking a joint now isn't it? ;) Remember, pugs not drugs people!

Here is the imperfectly perf Russell Howard wearing a Pugs not Drugs tee... because he's perf

Serial Killer: A tad morbid but when I heard this phrase for the first time, I was about 5 and I remember thinking it was someone who used had such an aversion to the breakfast option that they used to go round various supermarkets putting a knife through boxes of cereal.

Nostalgic: Nostalgic or Nostalgia reminds me of pink and white nougat dipped in liquid gold. I don't quite know why but meh. But isn't there something glorious about the word? Also how do you say 'nougat'? Noo-gaah or nugget?

Anyway, this now brings me to the 'Nostalgic Nougat' bit of this post. I was just thinking about my grandma and grandad and how loved up they were. I mean, we're talking about a man and woman born in the 1920's who are both Indian through and through. And yet, they loved each other so much. For example, I remember being told that my grandad used to put fresh flowers in my grandmas hair every morning when they lived in India. He loved her so much and he wasn't afraid to show it, which was different for that generation. My grandad, he remember small details about their wedding day and the first day he met my grandma. I won't go into it all, but they really, honestly loved each other so very much and they weren't ruled by a stiff upper lip. That's something that I want.

So anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this post. Sorry again for all the delays and stuff but I'm trying to balance everything at the moment. Ohhh and last last thing, Jhené Aiko posted such an amazing quote on instagram the other day:

It's scary how accurately this describes me. I don't love to get anything back. I love for the sake of loving. Love is basically my life. People come and go, they heal and they hurt, they encourage and they break down, but my love. It lasts forever. It is always there.

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

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Scattered Thoughts + Scattered Me = A Scattered Blog

Hiya my little cupcakes with buttercream icing and rainbow sprinkles on top! How are you all on this cold but sunny Saturday afternoon?

So, after reading my blog posts, a few friends and family members have encouraged me to get into writing and pursue a writing career. Now this is extremely flattering! But I've never felt good enough to do so. Now, don't think this is me trying to come across as extremely humble. I genuinely don't think I have what it takes to be a professional writer/book author/columnist.

Writing this blog is a massive hobby of mine. I love writing and getting my thoughts across in a kind of comedic way. It actually acts as a sort of therapy to me; making light of my problems on here helps me make light of them in my head.

For example, today I'm having a bit of a rubbish day which is why I'm sat in bed in my JimJams with half a bottle of shaken Diet Coke by my side. Yes, shaken. I love flat coke. Really, really love it. So I drink half or 1/4 of the bottle and then shake it. This makes it flat. I then wait for it to calm down before opening it and enjoying the sugary taste of flat coke. So, this has made me happy. Well, happier than I was about an hour ago.

Now, I'm well aware that the paragraph above seems irrelevant and silly and pointless. But it's not to me. Because, truth be told, explaining to you the process of making my coke flat has made me appreciate it even more. And it's made me appreciate the fact that it's here, by my side, ready for me to drink to my heart's content. Granted, when I finish it, my gloomy self will probably return and I'll probably spiral into depression again, but for now, I'm happy.

Aaaah! The sweet life of a 19 year old Diabetic with Chronic Fatigue/ME, Leaky Kidneys, Slight Depression and Dodgy Hormones. Don't you just love it ;)

But anyway, I digress as usual. Back to the main topic. What was the main topic?

Ah yes, pursuing a career in writing. So yeah, I didn't/don't think I have what it takes. I mean, there are so many writers out there who are amazing and motivational and inspirational (do motivational and inspirational mean the same thing?) and yet, half of them will never even be recognised because the field of writing is a ruthless one. But for the fun of it, I thought I would look into it a little bit.

That was my first obstacle. I don't know if I have the motivation. My problem is, I want certain things now. I know that a lot of my life's ambitions require hard grafting and I know the steps I need to take to reach them. And I'm prepared to do that. However, the things that just come into my mind of their own accord, I want these right away. For example. writing. I have this vision in my mind that it would be like it is in the films. Someone would read this blog, notice a tiny smidgen of potential and then perhaps contact me with a job. Or a way to help me improve. I know! I'm being selfish, lazy, far-fetched, and stupid. But I can't help but think it. It's like that scene from the old Pixar Movie, 'A Bug's Life':

"No! Harry No! Don't look at the light!"

"I can't help it. It's so beautiful"

*Harry get's fried by the light*

A link to the scene is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTUQyEr-sg0

So yeah, I know it's stupid to think this will happen. And I'm not blindly thinking it will. But it's fun to think about. I kind of have images of Isla Fisher in Confessions of a Shopaholic. You know how she is anonymously that columnist called The Girl in the Green Scarf and people love her articles? Is this accurate or have I just put my own twist on the entire story? Is there even a green scarf involved? Ugh! It's been too long since I watched the movie! But the point is, I have this whole Hollywoodised, sugar-coated view of the industry that I know is completely wrong but I can't help but dwell on it just a little bit.

But the point to the title of this post is this: I posted this blog on a Q&A website just to get some feedback off of people who don't know me. I'm always looking for ways to improve and appreciate feedback and constructive criticism. Even when some comments are hard to swallow, I try to look beyond this and glean the points on where and how I can improve.

Now, a few have said that my blog doesn't have a focus, and this could be an issue. Since my blog is so scattered and random, there isn't a main point to it and this can make it a little pointless to read. And I completely get where they are coming from. It's true, my blog is pointless and I don't have an aim. And I have thought of topics that I could completely focus this blog on; diabetes, shoes, fashion, food, etc.

BUT! I'm not feeling it. I am a very scattered person. I might have a form of mental ADHD (definitely not physical. I'm too lazy to be physically affected by ADHD). My thoughts are random, scattered, often pointless, often far-fetched, and I don't think about one thing for very long. I go off on many tangents wayyyy too often. I never stick to one thought and think it all the way through. . .

Let me demonstrate my thought process to you:

"Flowers are beautiful. I should plant some in my garden. In a plant pot. But then that would attract bees. Bees are cute and furry. So are bears. Aww we don't have bears in this country. They do in Canada though. . . Mmmm Candian Maple Syrup. . . Mmmm Pancakes. I want some pancakes. This is why I'm fat. Let's Google low fat pancake recipes. NO! They'll taste rank. And I cant be bothered to get up. Why am I so lazy? Is this why I'm still single? Why am I still single? . . . *long pause* . . . Maybe I'm meant to be a spinster. Maybe my purpose in life is to be a spinster with lot's of pets. But I wouldn't keep cats. Cats are mean. Why do I love big cats and yet intensely dislike domestic cats? Why am I thinking about cats? Yep. . . Forever alone. Ahhh let's Google some Forever Alone Memes. . . "

 

Yeah. . . So this is my thought process. This is the route to my procrastination. And this all probably reflects in my blog posts. So, I was thinking, I don't think I really want my blog to have a main focus, you know? Maybe I like the freedom of writing about whatever I want. For example, some days, I can write about the Great British Bake Off, and other days I can write about procrastination and ADHD thoughts. I don't really want to be restricted to write about a certain thing, because that would get boring quickly.

 

But what do you guys think? Should I stick to one topic? Or do you think this blog should remain scattered? But if you ever want me to write a post on a particular topic, let me know! I'm open to suggestions!

 

So, I hope you all enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed typing it out! Oh! One last thing. I'd love love love if you guys would check out my friend, Lo Shep's YouTube channels and blog! She is a really good friend of mine and she has some fab vids on varied topics. Some of my faves are of her cats and horses! I don't like cats. But I like her cats. Because they're cute. Lo is also an accomplished horse rider (is that the correct term?) She is amazing and you will love her!

 

http://misslouise0212.blogspot.co.uk/ << All things equestrian ;)

http://losheps0212.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/medical-records.html << Chronic Fatigue Life

https://www.youtube.com/user/LoSheps0212?feature=watch << Lo's Vlogging Channel (my personal fave)

http://www.youtube.com/DexLoMcKay << Crazy Cat Lady Channel ;) (Lo's cats, Dex & McKay. A MUST see if you love cats)

http://www.youtube.com/user/TPol0212/videos << Lo's Vids all to do with horses =)

 

So yeah, enjoy cupcakes! Hope you all have a glorious day (oh yeah, glorious is my new favourite word. It's just. . . glorious isn't it?!)

 

Keep Smiling Folks!

 

Ditzy xXx