Reggae, Dancehall, Calories, Kebabs & Why Dieters Annoy Me

What's gwaaarning famalam?

Excuse the unorthodox greeting but I'm feeling pretty alternative/excited/happy/chilled right now. That might be down to the fact that I have my Reggae & Dancehall playlist blasting through my ears at work right now. And Vybz Kartel is playing right now. It's weird how you can feel so chill and yet dance-y at the same time. Reggae definitely hits new levels that's for sure. Oh my word, how annoying is it that Vybz is jailed for life?! Don't get me wrong, I completely support the decision as I believe criminals should be behind bars and not walking the streets. But what an idiot?! Because let's be honest, you lock up Vybz, you lock up dancehall. But anyway, I'm sure that the current artists will step up and keep it all going.

Oooooh have you guys heard that thing in the news about kebabs? Apparently people are concerned about what meat they're getting at takeaways, with kebab houses being the main concern. Right, I'm sorry but..... say what? Everyone knows that if you buy a donner kebab, you could well be eating the intestines of a goat, the tongue of an Ox, the feet of several cows and a horses hoof just for good measure. I mean you don't exactly buy a kebab for quality lamb now do you? So stop bloomin' complaining and just eat. Or give up eating kebabs. But if you did that, you'd have a kebab shaped whole in your heart. For the rest of your life. So I would advise against it. Just live in a state of oblivion like me and you'll be alright ;)

Also, for those complaining about donner kebabs containing other meats which is detrimental to certain religions (eg. Sikhs can't eat beef and Muslims can't eat pork), well okay fine. That's understandable. But what I don't understand is those who go for nights out drinking, then go for a kebab after, and then complain about the kebab containing meat that they can't eat. I mean I'm sorry but, what? So you've been out getting absolutely gazebo'd (which is probably against your religion) and then you complain about unintentionally eating meat that you're not allowed to eat? Don't make me laugh bruv! And you all know who you are ;)

Okay so since we're on the subject of kebabs, let's talk the latter subjects of the title of this post. Calories and why dieters annoy me!

So yeah, I'm trying to lose weight by going for walks. I've been for three 3 mile walks this week and I'm really rather proud of myself. I'm already seeing a difference in my weight. I'm also doing a 30 day Squats challenge, a 30 day abs challenge, a 30 day planking challenge and a 30 day arms challenge... All in one month. Yeah, I don't do things by halves! But they're only little exercises that take me about 15 minutes a day which isn't so bad. But I'm trying to overall eat healthier but I had a Maccy Dees yesterday after my walk so, I still allow myself treats ;) Because what is life without treats?! So dieters in general don't annoy me. But annoying dieters do.

Picture the scenario:

Annoying Dieter: "Oooh I really fancy a Twix. Oooh no I shouldn't. Oooh should I? Because I do deserve it after being so good. But ooooh a minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. Oooh Ditzy, what do you think?"

Me: "I think you should do what makes you happy."

Annoying Dieter: "Well a Twix would really make me happy. Right! That's it, I've decided! I'm gonna get myself a Twix. Ooooh, naughty! But yeah, I'm going to do it!"

Me: *bites into 3rd doughnut*

****some time after consumption of Twix has taken place****

Annoying Dieter: "I SO should NOT have had that Twix. Oh I feel terrible. Oh I regret eating that bar of poison. Oh what have I done! Look you can already see my stomach is bigger! Look!"

Me: *bites into 8th doughnut while looking at stomach in a confused state*

Annoying Dieter: "Oh what am I gonna do! Oh I failed. I fail at life. I fail at diets. I'm such a loser! But obviously not a loser of weight. It's about the only thing I don't lose. Oh life! Must you be so cruel?! That's it. I need a gastric band! I don't care about the risks. Book me one! I'm booking it now. I will book one right this minute. Oh that stupid Twix! Never will I ever eat a Twix in my whole entire life!!!!"

Me: *punches Annoying Dieter in face and then bites into 9th doughnut*.


See what I mean? It's these annoying dieters that give dieters a bad name. I mean, if you're gonna treat yourself, let it be just that: A treat. Enjoy it. Savour it. And then move on! And why call treats "naughty"? I mean, think of the feelings! How would you like to be labelled "naughty" all the time? Don't discriminate, people. Appreciate.

And while we're on the subject, who on earth came up with that ridiculous saying:

"I minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips"

No. Calories need homes too! Just eat the darn Twix and then get on with yo lives! 

*breathe*... Evidently I have strong opinions on the matter. But you all know what I mean right? But if anyone is dieting or just trying to have a healthier lifestyle, I wish you all the best! Seriously.

So guys, I hope you've enjoyed this post. The SECOND of the week. Oh I do spoil you ;) Though truth be told, it's the least I could do after not posting for so long before. Thanks for reading and have a fantabulous Bank Holiday weekend. Thursday this week is essentially Friday people! Now sing Rebecca Black's Friday song today. Yes! On a Thursday. Because we are fearless rule breakers! ;)

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

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Confessions of a Compulsive, Bargain Hunting Insomniac and The Lazy Diet. . . Last post of 2013!!

Well hello there you glorious rays of sunshine! How are you this fantabulous morning? Yep, I said morning. I am awake in the morning. 7am to be precise. Whoever knows me personally will know that I am not a morning person. Currently being in this ridiculous unemployed web that I find myself in, I have no reason to wake up in the morning and therefore will sleep in. Well, I do have reason to wake up. This isn't some cry for help. But call it Chronic Fatigue/ME/Insomnia/Freakishness or a combination of all the above, I've found myself going through a period of what I can only describe as Sleep Paralysis.

It was really weird. I'd wake up at about 9ish (which is early for me but I've found that that's a lie in for Morning People) but I would find myself unable to move. Like, I literally just could not move. I was pretty conscious if not a little weary from sleep and I'd want to check my phone (because I am your stereotypical tech-obsessed 19 year old) but I literally just wouldn't be able to move. And this would either force me to go back to sleep or just lie there until my body caught up with my mind and woke up. Like I said, weird.

But anyway, I've not been sleeping these past few weeks. I'd lie in bed for hours not being able to sleep until something ridiculous like 6am. (Bright side, if this hadn't happened I never would have noticed the smoke alarm I had in my room for two years but only just noticed a few weeks ago in my insomnia driven haze). At first I refused to get up and do something else other than try to sleep. But then I found myself in that typical Insomnia Cycle of thinking and over thinking. I'd think up future scenarios that would never actually happen (and I don't mean the sort where you imagine yourself marrying a guy that you adore but would never have a chance with in real life. I mean imagining a world made of chocolate. . .). Then there's other vital stuff like wondering what I'm doing with my life, wondering what's in the fridge, wondering what to have for dinner tomorrow. . . You know, strictly the important stuff is contemplated in this gem of a mind =S

Then I decided it was ridiculous to just lie there every night. There's only so much stuff you can think and over think and over over think.

So anyway, it was Insomnia's fault that I found myself on my laptop at 3am on Boxing Day, online shopping to see if any of the sales had started. Which they had. Much to my delight and my bank account's dismay. I'd also find myself reading pointless articles like "The 7 Most Shocking Easter Eggs Found In Movies". (If you don't know what Easter Eggs are, they're basically hidden messages and the like found in movies, games, music videos, etc).

In fact, Insomnia is the reason that most of my Instagram followers are from America and anywhere that isn't England. I'm more active on my Instagram at stupid o'clock, when any normal, sane residents of England are sound asleep.

It's also why my eBay auctions end at weird times like 4am, because that's the time that I put them up! But it does have it's plus sides such as the glorious followers I have on Instagram, the fabulous bargains I had first dibs on and I can also have blog posts ready for you guys to read bright and early on your way to work/school/college/uni/the Jobcentre (my current category).

Oh my Lazy Diet! I nearly forgot! Today, I am starting a Meal Replacement diet! But before you guys imagine me losing my hair on my head and gaining it on my top lip at a more rapid speed, have no fear. These shakes are completely healthy, organic, with loads of vitamins, minerals and other ridiculously healthy raw ingredients. It's completely safe and you only replace 2 meals a day. It ensures you get all the nutrients you need and it helps aid weight loss and it gives energy. But truth be told, the real reason I'm going on this diet is because I'm being really really lazy. At the moment, I can't be bothered (and can't afford) to eat salads all the time. So I'm cutting out carbs, trying to eat healthier and more balanced, cutting down portion size, etc etc. But I can't be bothered to exercise at the moment. I mean, when the weather gets better, I'll be a lot more active but at the moment, I really don't want to. This is the worst attitude I could have, I know. But it won't be for long. For now though, while I become a vegetable for a couple of weeks, I shall start these meal replacement things. Also, I decided to start it today (Tuesday) rather than on a Monday. Because we all know that any diet that starts on a Monday is automatically deemed to fail.

Lastly, it's the last day of 2013!!! Which means this is my last post of the year! Is it just me or has this year gone quicker than all the others? 2013 has actually been full of amazing things for me. I started getting more serious with this blog, posting more regularly. As a result, I've had more of a response on it which has been amazing and such a confidence boost! I've met some amazing people and made some amazing new friends that I can call family. I turned 19 (the last year of my teens!), I finished college, receiving my Level 3 Diploma in Health & Social Care. Okay so maybe I found out about my leaky kidneys this year and I'm currently jobless but I feel 2014 is the start of something amazing. I'm more determined than ever to get a job, lose weight (but I don't want to get too thin. I love my curves. I just want to get fit and healthy). And I think it will be a year full of happiness, because I'm determined to make it that way. Remember peeps, life is what you make it.

So I'm gonna stop there now. I'm snug in bed with my music playing in the background (currently a bit of Marvin Gaye's Heard It Through The Grapevine), wrapped in my duvet, continuously sniffing perfume cards that I've had in bag for a while, because the smell of aftershave makes me happy ;) Oh come on! You can't have expected me to get through a whole blog post and not add something remotely pervy =P

Oh and just a small fact that I feel the need to share. .  .I still don;t have a Onesie =( January Sales: Operation Onesie is on people. I solemnly declare to have a Onesie by the end of January 2014. Watch. . . By the time I get one they'll be banned for some sort of hazard to health or something. . . =S

Oh and one last thing! This pic explains all but tomorrow me and thousands of others worldwide will be taking part in The Ribbon Project to help raise suicide awareness. Post a pic on instagram and hashtag it with #ribbonproject114. Tag me if you like @ditzypolkadot because I'd love to see your support for this cause =)

So keep being the amazing people that you are!! And feel free to comment or share this bog post if you fancy it =)

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

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What Makes Us Happy: With a Little Help from Instagrammers, Pharrell, Akon, Ashanti, Frank Sinatra, Collie Buddz & NeverShoutNever =)

I feel so good, 

I don't know what's come over me

Could it be the nice vibes in the party

Could it be the liquor,

Could it be that you're next to me

Okay so maybe I don't feel as happy as the above statement makes out. Those lyrics are taken from the song I Feel So Good by reggae artist Collie Buddz. I'm not in the best of moods at the moment but I do feel that to get out of my current moodiness, I need to start writing happy thoughts and hopefully this will have an impact on my actual mood. Whether or not it does that, we'll have to see. Stay tuned until the end of this blog post and you shall find out. Ooooh how tv-show-esque does that sound?! Exciting stuff!! Is the suspense killing you already?? ;)

So the other day, I was in a really musical mood, wanting to blast my music out and sing my heart out. Which I did. Much to our neighbors dismay. But we've already deciphered that I don't have the X Factor, I am the X Factor. People just don't recognise real talent when it's right there in front of them. Breaking their windows. . .

It then struck me that a good idea would be to analyse different songs about happiness to see what supposedly makes the artist happy. So that is what I did. Here is the results based on my analytic findings (I really should be a researcher/scientist with these amazingly long words flowing forth oh so naturally):

Ashanti ft. Ja Rule - Happy (How Ironic, right?)

So why did Ashanti feel the need to show the world how happy she was? The chorus of this song reveals all:

All my life I've been searching for you,

Everyday.

So glad that I found you boy,

All my life I've been feeling for you everyday.

I'm so happy today.

Evidently, Ashanti's happiness was down to the fact that she found a 'boy' who she'd been searching for everyday. She also says that he takes her pain away and it makes her feel good to know that Man In Question has fallen in love with her. Lovely! (Even though that exclamation sounds like it's dripping with sarcasm, it's really not. I'm not a bitter single person. . . )

NeverShoutNever - Happy

This is a song that I had never come across by a band/person that I had never heard of before. But I felt the need to mention it because it was a cute song with a pretty quirky beat:

You make me happy whether you know it or not.

We should be happy, that's what I said from the start.

I am so happy, knowing you are the one,

For the rest of my days,

You're all of my days.

I'm happy knowing that you are mine.

So I thought that was rather lovely. Okay so it is about a love interest yet again. But it's cute. So again, it was being with that special someone that made them happy. Really, that's simply adorable and fabulous. Time to move on. 

Frank Sinatra - You Make Me Feel So Young

Frank! My favourite Crooner of all time! I may be 19 but I think Frank was and is one of the best things to ever happen to music. But I decided to change perspective and check less ironic titles of songs and this one came to mind. 

You make me feel so young
You make me feel like spring has sprung
Every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy an individual

And I thought Frank would be different and not sing about love! But I still love him. But in all seriousness, Frank's love obviously made him feel young. And this would have made him happy. At least I hope it did. It'd be terrible if that song was really a cry for help, wouldn't it? =S But surely not every song about happiness would be about love and relationships and sickeningly sweet slobber stories?

Pharrell Williams - Happy

So I decided to go back to the ironic titles, as you can see. I love this song. It's so happy and it just makes me want to skip down the street like Pharrell does in the video. Then I realise that I don't live in a glorious part of America, minions aren't real and I'd probably be physically assaulted or detained. So, this song doesn't give a reason for happiness as such. I mean Pharrell hints at a girl being involved when he says:

Sunshine, she’s here, you can take a break

Correct me if I'm wrong but he's telling the sunshine that it can take a break because 'she's' here, so she is basically the sunshine of his life. Which I think is actually really, really sweet =) But he's basically saying that nothing can bring him down because he's happy and he just wants to clap and everyone else should clap but only if they want to because he wants them to be happy and if they clap because they're forced to it won't be a happy clap and then they'll get miserable. . . Wow. Did I just put a negative spin on a song called Happy? I need help =S

Akon ft. Wyclef - Sunny Day

So all these clappy vibes made me think of an old Akon song called Clap Again where he's talking about wanting to make his girl happy again (I just wanna make you clap again). But I came across his song called Sunny Day. The chorus, again, explains it better than I could:

Who'd ever thought that I would see this day?
Where I would see my ghetto life fade away.
'Cause I was lost and couldn't find a way,
And now I look forward to every day.
Welcome to my sunny day.
My sunny day.
Everyday,
A better day.

So this is a different kind of happy. This is almost like a relief. Akon was talking about the struggle of being in the ghetto and the feeling that you'd never escape it. The hate, the futility of the situation, the struggle, having nowhere to escape. He found his happy place when he left the ghetto, something he thought was impossible. So I thought that was nice, you know? Sometimes that's what people need to do to find their happy place: escape.

Collie Buddz - I Feel So Good

So this brings me back to ol' Collie. What made him feel good? It could have been a mixture of things. But it was mainly down to good vibes. People being happy around him. Being able to trust the people around him. Not being on edge. Just enjoying life. Because it's important we do that sometimes. Just take a little time out to enjoy life. 

Instagrammers

So I thought I'd leave the best 'til last. I asked my Instagram followers what makes them happy. And I mean really, genuinely happy. It was so interesting to see the responses actually.  (By the way, if you want to follow me on Instagram, my screen name is @ditzypolkadot. Cheeky plug there I know, but I can't help it!)

So the responses included food; chocolate in particular, which is totally understandable of course. Then a few said family and friends which was lovely and again, very understandable and very true. I seriously think if you're surrounded by good family and/or friends that really love and care for you, you need very little else. Someone else said reading and shopping! Agreed!!! Hopefully reading this blog makes some of you happy =) Another said laughing, about anything with anyone. This really ties in with my happiness which shall be revealed shortly.

One person in particular stood out to me though when she said this:

"Sipping a nice cup of hot chocolate [agreed, H/C is always better than coffee or tea] on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, and snuggling next to my boyfriend as some random TV show plays on. It didn't matter [what it is], just spending time with him doing nothing makes me fantabulously happy".

That really is beautiful. Because at the end of the day, we don't need riches, big houses, fancy cars, coffee from a fancy coffee machine or gold chains around our neck. All we really need is good company. Also, loving the use of the word 'fantabulously' there. It's been my favourite word for a while now and then you go and use it! Weird!! 

You see, again, it's the small things with me. I've said this before, but my happiness come from spending time with my family. My brother, sisters and mum, all chilling in the living room, eating a box of KFC/kebabs all round/my mums amazing lamb curry, with the telly on in the background (Mock The Week or 8 Out Of 10 Cats or any form of comedy), with us all having a laugh and doing nothing. That makes me feel really content.

You guys know I love being made to laugh. But even better than that, I love making people laugh. I wrote this a while ago about what makes me truly happy:

This is what makes my day. This is what makes me happy. This is one of the things that makes me feel that life is worth living. This is what I live for. I live to make people smile/laugh. I'm not being humble either. Sure, I'd love to have enough money to live comfortably. I'd like nice things, a nice house and a nice car. But at the end of the day, I could have nothing, yet if I manage to do the above, I will have everything. I really, truly, 100% believe that. You guys should try it if you haven't already. Then you'll know what I mean =)

Oh and just for the record, I'm actually feeling a little brighter now. It's mad how much just writing about happiness can make you a little happier =)

Keep smiling, folks!

Ditzy xXx

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Ridiculous O'Clock Ramblings, Daring Developments & Awesome Alliteration

Alas dear readers, I have failed you again! The last time I wrote a blog was October. I have excuses but I'm not even going to go into them this time. Because the truth is, I've neglected you guys. People who I now consider (mostly) unknown friends. I'm well aware of how contradictory that sentence is but it's honestly how I view you. Ok so I haven't met most of you. But when I see the comments you leave and the page views you have added to, you're not just numbers. You're people that make me happy by taking an interest in my randomness. And I consider people that make me happy my friends. Rather strange and unorthodox I know, but I'm a rather strange and unorthodox person, wouldn't you say?

So recently my life has been rather tumultuous (what a fabulous word, right??). My physical health has messed up big time and that sort of messed up my outlook on life for a while. So I didn't want that to reflect in my blog. Because I look at this as a happy place full of rainbows and sunshine and laughter.

It is currently 2.43am in effulgent England. Yes, you read that correctly. "Effulgent". Isn't it such a ridiculously pretentious word?? It means radiant anyway. So yes, it's currently what I call 'ridiculous o'clock' and I am wide awake. Ok so that might be down to the two mugs of coffee I had this evening just because I fancied it, but the fact remains, I am buzzing and hyper and all things frantic. This is when I made a few 'daring developments'. The reasons behind the title of this post should all be unfolding now.

I decided to make a page on Facebook about this blog and also an Instagram account. These would basically be letting followers know when I have written a new post. I'd also put little anecdotes in and the like, some of which won't make my blog posts, but they might hopefully brighten up your day some. So the links to these will be at the bottom of this post. If you're interested, please like/follow!! I think the reason I say this is a daring development is because although it will get me more in touch with people who enjoy this blog, it can also expose me to some not so nice people. But I'm trying not to focus too much on that kinda thing. Positive vibes people!

Oooooh! Another new development! I just found out the other day that I'm a little bit allergic to pesto! Now you guys know how much I love food. And there's something about a pesto and tomato sandwich that fills me with joy and a tickle in my throat. Turns out, this 'tickle' isn't a good thing. It indicates I may be allergic. That's not to say I'm going to stop eating it. Don't be silly! I'll still eat it and just suffer with the consequences of itchy throat and ears afterwards. It's the same with aubergines. I'm not a big fan, but my mum's curried aubergines are to die for (literally). So I'll eat mounds of it, only to suffer with lips the size of sausages later. Not a good look, but provided I can stay at home and there are no Don Benjamin/Ryan Reynolds/Channing Tatum/Russell Howard/Jon Richardson lookalikes around, I'm fine with it.

PLEASE NOTE: I am not not not (3 for emphasis in case you didn't notice) encouraging people to eat things they are allergic to. Some people have really serious allergies that even inhaling stuff can cause anaphylactic shock and death. So people, please don't think I'm undermining allergies or encouraging people to ignore them because I am not saying that. I'm just talking about my small reactions or intolerances (I really want to say 'intolerai' but I know that's not right =S) that are not life threatening at all to me.

Hmm what else? Oh yeah, guess what I did last Monday?! I was in the car with my music playlist playing (ha! Fancy that!) and Friday by Rebecca Black came on. And I let it play. I didn't switch it off just because it wasn't Friday.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I played Friday on a Monday.

Because I like to live life on the edge.

So controversial, I know.

;)

 

It did kind of make me think though. Since I'm currently unemployed (but desperately looking for work) I have come to the conclusion that all unemployed people have the legal right to sing the Friday song any day of the week. Because let's face it, any day is a Friday if we want it to be, right?

 

Our Joey =)

Oooooh and I nearly forgot to mention! I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here has been and gone! I've got to say, I was definitely Team Joey! I actually love the dude. It's funny, he was the one person I thought I wouldn't be able to stand. The sort of sure of himself/idiotic/sleazy guy you expect to come from shows like TOWIE (I've never seen the show, I'm just basing my views on a mixture of what I've seen of Mark Wright and shamelessly stereotyping). How wrong I was. Joey Essex is one of the sweetest, kindest people I have ever seen. Like, really. And his naivety only made him sweeter. I really wanted him to win but Kian Egan was amazing and deserved to be King of the Jungle.

 

If you haven't ever heard of or watched this programme, you must think us Brits are right weirdos by how I've just described it but honestly, it's such a good show. A quick explanation is that about 12 celebrities have to spend about 2 weeks in a jungle doing various trials to earn food for the camp. Slowly, one by one, they each get evicted from the jungle, depending on who the public vote for. The person that remains is the winner aka King or Queen of the Jungle. 

So anyway, I'm now a mahoosive fan of Joey. So much so that I've decided to dedicate a future blog post solely to him. It'll include all the little things that he said throughout the show that had me and one of my besties in stitches. So if you're a fan of Joey Essex, look out for that!

So, I should probably get some sleep now. I have a busy day tomorrow! But again, please like my page on Facebook and/or follow me on Instagram! I'm thinking of maybe cracking the world of Twitter but it scares me a teeny tiny bit. So I think I'll see how I get on with Facebook and Instagram first =)

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I really appreciate your support and feedback guys. Keep 'em coming!

Keep smiling, folks!

Ditzy xXx