Reggae, Dancehall, Calories, Kebabs & Why Dieters Annoy Me

What's gwaaarning famalam?

Excuse the unorthodox greeting but I'm feeling pretty alternative/excited/happy/chilled right now. That might be down to the fact that I have my Reggae & Dancehall playlist blasting through my ears at work right now. And Vybz Kartel is playing right now. It's weird how you can feel so chill and yet dance-y at the same time. Reggae definitely hits new levels that's for sure. Oh my word, how annoying is it that Vybz is jailed for life?! Don't get me wrong, I completely support the decision as I believe criminals should be behind bars and not walking the streets. But what an idiot?! Because let's be honest, you lock up Vybz, you lock up dancehall. But anyway, I'm sure that the current artists will step up and keep it all going.

Oooooh have you guys heard that thing in the news about kebabs? Apparently people are concerned about what meat they're getting at takeaways, with kebab houses being the main concern. Right, I'm sorry but..... say what? Everyone knows that if you buy a donner kebab, you could well be eating the intestines of a goat, the tongue of an Ox, the feet of several cows and a horses hoof just for good measure. I mean you don't exactly buy a kebab for quality lamb now do you? So stop bloomin' complaining and just eat. Or give up eating kebabs. But if you did that, you'd have a kebab shaped whole in your heart. For the rest of your life. So I would advise against it. Just live in a state of oblivion like me and you'll be alright ;)

Also, for those complaining about donner kebabs containing other meats which is detrimental to certain religions (eg. Sikhs can't eat beef and Muslims can't eat pork), well okay fine. That's understandable. But what I don't understand is those who go for nights out drinking, then go for a kebab after, and then complain about the kebab containing meat that they can't eat. I mean I'm sorry but, what? So you've been out getting absolutely gazebo'd (which is probably against your religion) and then you complain about unintentionally eating meat that you're not allowed to eat? Don't make me laugh bruv! And you all know who you are ;)

Okay so since we're on the subject of kebabs, let's talk the latter subjects of the title of this post. Calories and why dieters annoy me!

So yeah, I'm trying to lose weight by going for walks. I've been for three 3 mile walks this week and I'm really rather proud of myself. I'm already seeing a difference in my weight. I'm also doing a 30 day Squats challenge, a 30 day abs challenge, a 30 day planking challenge and a 30 day arms challenge... All in one month. Yeah, I don't do things by halves! But they're only little exercises that take me about 15 minutes a day which isn't so bad. But I'm trying to overall eat healthier but I had a Maccy Dees yesterday after my walk so, I still allow myself treats ;) Because what is life without treats?! So dieters in general don't annoy me. But annoying dieters do.

Picture the scenario:

Annoying Dieter: "Oooh I really fancy a Twix. Oooh no I shouldn't. Oooh should I? Because I do deserve it after being so good. But ooooh a minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. Oooh Ditzy, what do you think?"

Me: "I think you should do what makes you happy."

Annoying Dieter: "Well a Twix would really make me happy. Right! That's it, I've decided! I'm gonna get myself a Twix. Ooooh, naughty! But yeah, I'm going to do it!"

Me: *bites into 3rd doughnut*

****some time after consumption of Twix has taken place****

Annoying Dieter: "I SO should NOT have had that Twix. Oh I feel terrible. Oh I regret eating that bar of poison. Oh what have I done! Look you can already see my stomach is bigger! Look!"

Me: *bites into 8th doughnut while looking at stomach in a confused state*

Annoying Dieter: "Oh what am I gonna do! Oh I failed. I fail at life. I fail at diets. I'm such a loser! But obviously not a loser of weight. It's about the only thing I don't lose. Oh life! Must you be so cruel?! That's it. I need a gastric band! I don't care about the risks. Book me one! I'm booking it now. I will book one right this minute. Oh that stupid Twix! Never will I ever eat a Twix in my whole entire life!!!!"

Me: *punches Annoying Dieter in face and then bites into 9th doughnut*.


See what I mean? It's these annoying dieters that give dieters a bad name. I mean, if you're gonna treat yourself, let it be just that: A treat. Enjoy it. Savour it. And then move on! And why call treats "naughty"? I mean, think of the feelings! How would you like to be labelled "naughty" all the time? Don't discriminate, people. Appreciate.

And while we're on the subject, who on earth came up with that ridiculous saying:

"I minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips"

No. Calories need homes too! Just eat the darn Twix and then get on with yo lives! 

*breathe*... Evidently I have strong opinions on the matter. But you all know what I mean right? But if anyone is dieting or just trying to have a healthier lifestyle, I wish you all the best! Seriously.

So guys, I hope you've enjoyed this post. The SECOND of the week. Oh I do spoil you ;) Though truth be told, it's the least I could do after not posting for so long before. Thanks for reading and have a fantabulous Bank Holiday weekend. Thursday this week is essentially Friday people! Now sing Rebecca Black's Friday song today. Yes! On a Thursday. Because we are fearless rule breakers! ;)

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

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Joel Compass, Lana Del Rey (...eek!..), The Vamps (...grrr...), Peanut Butter Doughnuts & Why I'm Bad At Meeting New People...

Hello you glorious Fluffernutters! How are you all on this bright and thankfully not so breezy Tuesday afternoon? So this is obviously another Lunchtime Post and if you're interested, I'm currently eating a ham and cucumber sarnie made by me. And Weight Watchers bread that cost me 19p because it was reduced at Sainsbury's  =) Aaaah I do love a bargain! But that might just be down to my Indian routes... also, just for the record, can we say that that's why I'm always late for everything? Indian Timing and all that?

Anyway, first of all, let's talk Music! I'm aware that I nearly always quote at least one song in practically every post I do but I've been becoming very musical lately. I've always liked music but I never used to understand people's connection with it. I used to be into dance when I was younger but I think I was too young to understand. And then I kinda got out of listening to music. Then I hit my late teen years and subconsciously felt the need to fit the "MMMOP" teen stereotype: Moody, Mood-Swinging, Music-Obsessed Procrastinator. (MMMOP kinda sounds like Hansen's MMM Bop song doesn't it? Aaaah and to think me and my good friend were watching the music video once, trying to work out what gender each one was... only to find out they were all dudes. Memories!)

So anyway, I went through that stage. I think I went through a lot in my life too and that made me feel like every song related to me. It's mad though isn't it? How a million different songs can describe your million different feelings and thoughts more accurately than you can explain them yourself. So now, I love music and I can't last a day without it. Joining a band has also helped. But we won't discuss that any further.

Sooooo current song that I'm obsessed with at the moment is 'Forgive Me' by Joel Compass. Oh. My. Word. SUCH a good song. And it's great for sort of helping you on your way to forgetting someone that you need to forget. Kinda part of the 'erasing' process. And it's a fab song to belt out too ;) Some of the lyrics that so fabulously encapsulate the feisty feeling you have when you're finally getting your life back after heartbreak include:

Forgive me while I forget you  
Cause I don't need your love
I don't need your love
You might think I do
But I don't need your love, yeah 
  It's like yeahh-yeahhh
You let me down
You turned me in
And you lie and despise
I don't need you baby
I don't need you baby 

I have two words: Gwaaaaaarn Joely!!!!! Love this tune so much. Oh and, *ahem* Joel Compass = Hyperventilatingly B-E-A-U-T-F-U-L! (Yes I made up the word 'hyperventilatingly'. It works. Let's roll.) So yeah, he's very much followed on Instagram... 

Erm, Lana Del Rey... yeah. I always had an issue with Lana. Well, I never hated on her or anything (I don't hate, I appreciate) but she did make me want to kill myself with her dreary and depressing tones. So, ya know, being the life loving chick that I am, I decided to refrain from listening to her songs, just as a preventative measure to stop me from planning my own death. But Radio 1 played her new song West Coast and, ugh! I think I like it a bit. Kill me. No actually don't. Just buy me Lana's album and I'll probably beat you to it. 

Lastly on the music front: The Vamps. If you know me, you know that I have a slight scornful feeling towards them. But again, Radio 1 had them in the Live Lounge and BAM! I found myself singing their song... You know the one I mean... "Wake up in the morning with the sunlight in my eyes... la la la la la la la... do do do do do do do..." You'll have that in your head now. You're welcome ;)

Okay so their tunes are catchy. But I have a few issues with their lyrics. First of all, their song Can We Dance: 

I've been a bad, bad boy
Whispering rude things in her ear,

Please say she'll break,
Please say she'll change
Her mind and bring me back to her place.

No. What are you, 12? The only things you should be whispering in her ear is answers to maths tests.

Then comes their next song, Last Night:

Wake up in the morning
With the sunlight in my eyes,
No, my head don't feel so bright,
What the hell happened last night?
Yeah last night think we were dancing,
Singing all our favorite songs.
Think I might have kissed someone.
And if tomorrow never comes
We had last night.
 

Lads, lads, lads! Kissing people who you don't know is not the way forward. Think about the current situation in England with all these sick bugs going round. Do you really want to be a key part in the spread of it? Do you? Didn't think so. The only thing you should be puckering up to is a Pukka Pie.

But as much as I protest, you can't help but sing their songs. Which means they've got to be good. Catchy tunes mean sales! And sales mean you'll be big! So I wish them all the best, really. And I sincerely hope I'm not bludgeoned to death in my sleep by one of the members of their HUGE fan base. Don't be cray girls. Be nice.

Ok finally finally finally is the whole Peanut Butter Doughnuts thing and meeting new people. Basically, I was talking to someone I don't know very well and I felt I should follow my standard procure by telling them that I'm weird. A little forewarning. So I sent this:

"I'm a weird person so it's probs best to just accept it and roll with it... kinda like a peanut butter doughnut. It seems weird but you'll roll with it... Unless of course you're allergic to peanuts, in which case, this whole metaphorical analogy has just gone to waste... For the record, I've never had or heard of a peanut butter doughnut either, it just popped into my head but I think imma try and make one one day because it seems like wayyyy too good a thing to just ignore."

I lied. I wouldn't just make one. I'd make a whole heap. But anyway, this whole thing just splurged out of my brain, into my phone and I sent it then read it back to myself and realized, I need help. But hey, we embrace weirdness here in Ditzy Land, right?And imma definitely try and make them doughnuts. Though I've never made doughnuts before. But how hard can it be? Just sweet dough that's deep fried right? See that right there? That attitude is why I'm a hazard in the kitchen.

So anyway guys, my lunch break is nearly over. Hope you're all good and thanks so much for reading!

Keep smiling folks! And keep that weirdness circulating!

Ditzy xXx

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