Reggae, Dancehall, Calories, Kebabs & Why Dieters Annoy Me

What's gwaaarning famalam?

Excuse the unorthodox greeting but I'm feeling pretty alternative/excited/happy/chilled right now. That might be down to the fact that I have my Reggae & Dancehall playlist blasting through my ears at work right now. And Vybz Kartel is playing right now. It's weird how you can feel so chill and yet dance-y at the same time. Reggae definitely hits new levels that's for sure. Oh my word, how annoying is it that Vybz is jailed for life?! Don't get me wrong, I completely support the decision as I believe criminals should be behind bars and not walking the streets. But what an idiot?! Because let's be honest, you lock up Vybz, you lock up dancehall. But anyway, I'm sure that the current artists will step up and keep it all going.

Oooooh have you guys heard that thing in the news about kebabs? Apparently people are concerned about what meat they're getting at takeaways, with kebab houses being the main concern. Right, I'm sorry but..... say what? Everyone knows that if you buy a donner kebab, you could well be eating the intestines of a goat, the tongue of an Ox, the feet of several cows and a horses hoof just for good measure. I mean you don't exactly buy a kebab for quality lamb now do you? So stop bloomin' complaining and just eat. Or give up eating kebabs. But if you did that, you'd have a kebab shaped whole in your heart. For the rest of your life. So I would advise against it. Just live in a state of oblivion like me and you'll be alright ;)

Also, for those complaining about donner kebabs containing other meats which is detrimental to certain religions (eg. Sikhs can't eat beef and Muslims can't eat pork), well okay fine. That's understandable. But what I don't understand is those who go for nights out drinking, then go for a kebab after, and then complain about the kebab containing meat that they can't eat. I mean I'm sorry but, what? So you've been out getting absolutely gazebo'd (which is probably against your religion) and then you complain about unintentionally eating meat that you're not allowed to eat? Don't make me laugh bruv! And you all know who you are ;)

Okay so since we're on the subject of kebabs, let's talk the latter subjects of the title of this post. Calories and why dieters annoy me!

So yeah, I'm trying to lose weight by going for walks. I've been for three 3 mile walks this week and I'm really rather proud of myself. I'm already seeing a difference in my weight. I'm also doing a 30 day Squats challenge, a 30 day abs challenge, a 30 day planking challenge and a 30 day arms challenge... All in one month. Yeah, I don't do things by halves! But they're only little exercises that take me about 15 minutes a day which isn't so bad. But I'm trying to overall eat healthier but I had a Maccy Dees yesterday after my walk so, I still allow myself treats ;) Because what is life without treats?! So dieters in general don't annoy me. But annoying dieters do.

Picture the scenario:

Annoying Dieter: "Oooh I really fancy a Twix. Oooh no I shouldn't. Oooh should I? Because I do deserve it after being so good. But ooooh a minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. Oooh Ditzy, what do you think?"

Me: "I think you should do what makes you happy."

Annoying Dieter: "Well a Twix would really make me happy. Right! That's it, I've decided! I'm gonna get myself a Twix. Ooooh, naughty! But yeah, I'm going to do it!"

Me: *bites into 3rd doughnut*

****some time after consumption of Twix has taken place****

Annoying Dieter: "I SO should NOT have had that Twix. Oh I feel terrible. Oh I regret eating that bar of poison. Oh what have I done! Look you can already see my stomach is bigger! Look!"

Me: *bites into 8th doughnut while looking at stomach in a confused state*

Annoying Dieter: "Oh what am I gonna do! Oh I failed. I fail at life. I fail at diets. I'm such a loser! But obviously not a loser of weight. It's about the only thing I don't lose. Oh life! Must you be so cruel?! That's it. I need a gastric band! I don't care about the risks. Book me one! I'm booking it now. I will book one right this minute. Oh that stupid Twix! Never will I ever eat a Twix in my whole entire life!!!!"

Me: *punches Annoying Dieter in face and then bites into 9th doughnut*.


See what I mean? It's these annoying dieters that give dieters a bad name. I mean, if you're gonna treat yourself, let it be just that: A treat. Enjoy it. Savour it. And then move on! And why call treats "naughty"? I mean, think of the feelings! How would you like to be labelled "naughty" all the time? Don't discriminate, people. Appreciate.

And while we're on the subject, who on earth came up with that ridiculous saying:

"I minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips"

No. Calories need homes too! Just eat the darn Twix and then get on with yo lives! 

*breathe*... Evidently I have strong opinions on the matter. But you all know what I mean right? But if anyone is dieting or just trying to have a healthier lifestyle, I wish you all the best! Seriously.

So guys, I hope you've enjoyed this post. The SECOND of the week. Oh I do spoil you ;) Though truth be told, it's the least I could do after not posting for so long before. Thanks for reading and have a fantabulous Bank Holiday weekend. Thursday this week is essentially Friday people! Now sing Rebecca Black's Friday song today. Yes! On a Thursday. Because we are fearless rule breakers! ;)

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

Follow me on Social Media if you fancy!

Instagram/Twitter: @ditzypolkadot
Facebook: www.facebook.com/ditzypolkadot

Abandonment and Goodbyes: Diabetes, Sugar Cravings, Insulin Pumps, Sadness, Happiness, Weight Loss, Inspiration, Loneliness, Friendships. . .

Well hello there my beautiful cupcakes! How are you all? Scrumptious as ever I hope!

Apologies for the (nearly) one month gap since last writing a post! Things have been pretty hectic with doctors appointments and my (now on the rise) social life. . . Yes! I now have a social life! *SHOCK, HORROR, COMPLETE MORTIFICATION* ;)

So, Abandonment and Goodbyes. Such lovely topics of conversation for a Saturday evening, right? Well, this post won't be all doom and gloom, I promise.

So, since finding out about my kidneys, my docs have now tightened the reins on getting my blood sugar levels sorted, which is brilliant. My control is now fab but my craving's are not. Seriously, I have the ridiculous cravings that should come with pregnancy and I assure you, I'm not pregnant. In fact, I have the cravings of a woman expecting octuplets.

**NB: I'm not sure if the amount you crave depends on how many kids you're expecting. but for effect, let's pretend that the more proverbial 'buns' you have in the oven, the more literal buns you crave. You know the ones I'm talking about. The sweet pastry with the sugar icing dripping deliciously down the sides, crying out "Eat me, eat me. If you don't, I'll die a painful and undignified death by being chucked in the supermarket bins and then gnawed mercilessly on by rats". Yeah. . . them ones. **

So these cravings have been terrible. But I have refrained from binging on junk food. Apart from the occasional KFC (twice in three weeks. . . that's good for me!). The main thing that has motivated me to keep away from the unashamedly calorific isle in Asda is my brother. My brother has done amazingly recently! To me, he has always been the perfect example of how a man should be. People have their dad's to look at for that. I have my brother =)

But anyway, my brother has been dedicated to losing weight for the past couple of months. He wasn't big by any means but he wanting to lose some. And with a strict healthy eating regime and by going on power walks every day, my brother has lost 10.5lbs in two weeks!

Now, coming from a person who thought only a KFC at the end of a walk would make me actually go for a walk, it should mean a lot to you guys to find out that my brother has become my inspiration. Yes, my big brother, lovingly know to me as Shezzy/Shez/Shezalot/Shozes (wow, spellcheck is having a fit right now), has motivated and inspired me to go for more walks. He has been the one I've thought of when craving Aldi's Hazelnut Chocolate, Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream, Gregg's Glazed Ring Donughts, or even my beloved Coca Cola and Milk (Cilk/Moca Mola). He's the one that has inspired me to eat well and be more active.

So just a little note to say thank you Shezzy! And well done!!! You've done amazingly and I'm sooo proud of you. And I love you lots =)

Now, a slightly sombre part of this post is to follow that high note. Patrick aka Patrizio, my soul mate that was my insulin pump, has sadly passed away. Last night whilst doing a set change, he started to play up and after ringing the helpline, I was told that he would need to be replaced. I am currently in a state of mourning, people. Yes, I have grown unbelievably attached to an electronic medical device. I never thought I'd utter those words in my life and yet here I am, typing them out in black and white for the whole world to see. I am officially a freak.

But it is surprising how attached one can get to something so non-human. I mean, I've had this guy attached to my stomach for 19 months. He's stayed by my side all day and all night without fail. I've got annoyed with his beeping, I've appreciated his warnings and reminders, and I've even talked to him. I can't even call 'him' 'it', even though I know he's more an 'it' than a 'him'. Does that make sense? Probably not. Sorry.

So today the delivery man came to give me my new pumps and to take Patrick away. I actually hesitated giving him to the delivery guy. But I was strong. I did it. Patrick is gone but never forgotten. He will always be my main dude and my first pump. Now I have this other one sat on my bed and I need to give him a name. Though in all honesty, I love the name 'Patrick' so much that I might just call this new one Patrick Jr. In memory of old Patrizio.

Though, to be honest, I think I reacted with more emotion to this situation than was necessary due to the way I was feeling before. I felt lonely. One of my beautiful friends got married last weekend. he wedding was spectacular and the bride looked absolutely gorgeous. I am so happy for them, I literally cannot stop a smile from breaking out now while I think of them on their special day.

But weddings, as lovely as they are, are the perfect thing to highlight the fact that you're single. And I couldn't help but feel this loneliness since then. I just felt so alone, even amongst my amazing friends! It's all so annoying and confusing. SO here I was, feeling alone and depressed and BAM! Patrick dies on me. I mean, come on! Not even a computer can put up with me for that long ='(

But meh, I suppose it's just one of those things. When a relationship happens, it happens. I just have to try not to mope about not being in one in the meantime.

So on that joy of a note, I shall say goodbye. I need to get ready to go and chill with one of my amazing girlies. Malibu and coke. . . here I come ;)

Oh and just a quick note to say thank you everyone!!! I have hit over 1,000 pageviews and that's all because of you beautiful people! I cannot express how much it builds my confidence and fills me with joy that I have people interested in my random ramblings! So thank you, thank you, thank you! You guys are amazing!!!

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

You're Fired

Hello Ladles and Jellyspoons! How are you all???

Right, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I have a huge apology to make, so.........I'm sorry. I have been soooo busy and soooo ill that I really haven't had a chance to write notes in my calender, let alone a blog post =S. I know I have neglected this blog for far too long but I hope this will be the first and last time that this happens.

So, today I have decided to write about....."Young Apprentice". Anyone who is reading this outside the UK, I'm sorry if you have no idea what "Young Apprentice" is. So that you're not left in the lurch, I will try and fill you in a little.

"Young Apprentice" is a T.V show in which about 15 girls and boys aged between 16-17 years old compete to be the young apprentice of the year. Now these young candidates are picked from thousands of entrants. They need to have outstanding qualifications and skills and preferably have their own business. During the show, they are split into two groups and are set a different business task each week. This could be making and selling ice cream; creating a phone app; creating, pitching and selling a mother and baby product; etc. They have to get the maths, market research, creativity and everything else, perfect. The team which sells the most, wins. They then get a treat. However, one of the candidates from the losing team must be fired by none other than Lord Alan Sugar. If you don't know who he is, Google him. I really can't be bothered to explain who he is =S. When Lord Sugar fires someone he always uses the phrase "you're fired" with an assertive point of his index finger.

So anyway, I find this show really interesting and also quite a laugh. Some (or most) of the candidates are sooo opinionated. Some think their ideas are better than everyone elses and really won't let them go. They sulk. They cry. They shout. They backstab. They argue. They boss each other about. Do you see now why it's sooo great to watch??

Now, as I said earlier, these candidates are between the ages 0f 16-17. Most of them younger than me. Now I'm no dope but, these guys have done a lot to be proud of, and let me tell you....they are! But it just made me wonder, If I really wanted to, could I achieve what they have? I mean, these guys have built businesses from scratch. Sure, some of them could work on their vocabulary a little. And some could learn to LISTEN rather than talk and talk and talk. But they have done really well, so a big pat on the back to them.

But back to my epiphany (if I can call it that...maybe it's not the right word. But do you know what? I'm not really bothered! I've been dying to use this word in my blog and so there.....I've done it!) So yeah, back to my epiphany. If I really wanted to build a business from scratch, what would I do? And then it struck me, like a doughnut thrown against a window. I would start a chocolate factory!! I would make the most amazing chocolate know to man. I would create chocolate that tastes amazing, doesn't make you put on weight, is suitable for coeliacs, diabetics and the like. But the most amazing thing about it would be.........................................................................................................................................................
every time a man has a small piece, it would trigger a thingy in his brain to make him WANT to buy his wife or girlfriend or sister or mum, a pair of shoes!!!! Just IMAGINE!!!!!!



Then I awoke from my daydream, had a piece of nestle white chocolate and thought "Ah what's the point? Heaven in a bite is right here beside me and I'm thinking of replacing it with a newer model. Pfft! How dare I! I should just sit back, relax, and enjoy my unhealthy friendship with chocolate.... and worry about the weight, well, when I can be bothered. It's at this moment that I realize, I could never be on the Apprentice. I give up too easily. Dieting.................dieting.....................dieting................ooh is that cake?? See, it's never worked for me!

But for now, gym is a distant memory, exercise is a swear word, and chocolate is my therapy =D.

So until next time peeps! Keep eating =P

Ditzy Polka Dot xXx

You Make Me Wanna.....Munch!

It's been a while since my last entry so I thought I'd better write one soon. The thing is, I had no idea what to write about....I think they call it "writers block". But now the ideas have come in waves! It's always the case, isn't it?

So, you may think the title to this entry is kind of weird. Well, I'm pretty sure everyone knows at least one person who is, quite frankly, an immature....individual (the key here is self control!!!). If you haven't already noticed from my other posts, I like to eat. I love food! Now, when someone comes along and looks down on people who eat, they just spur me on even more. They make me wanna eat even more! I don't understand people who judge. Before mentioning the rafter in my eye, remove the rafter in your own eye first. Then perhaps we can focus on me.

To be honest, I admire people who are big and proud! Miranda Hart, for example, has had to endure so much criticism over her weight, when she is an amazing comedienne. Why do people focus so much on looks and not on the actual talent?!?!?! (NB: If you don't know who Miranda Hart is, PLEASE Google her!!! She's amaaaazing!!!)

Now, it must be said, I'm not one of those people who say things like " to all you haters out there....." (not that there is anything remotely wrong with that. It's just not my style). But for this entry, it must be done.

So, to all you haters out there... Hate all you want. Stare all you want. Laugh all you want. Gossip all you want. I have my mates. I have my family. I have my unending love for small, insignificant things. You clearly don't have that. And, really and truly, you make me wanna munch! 

Ditzy Polka Dot xXx