Google+ Followers

Monday, 30 July 2012

Perfume: Stilton or Pepper, Sir/Madam?

I'm going to be honest my fellow blog-reading-cupcakes, I have no idea what to write about. I have neglected this blog for so long and literally have had no inspiration over the past few months. Literally the only thing that has popped into my mind is to tell you about my new perfume. . . So I will. Please, do not die of boredom. But be prepared. This is not going to be one of my better blogs. You might need a cuppa coffee to keep you awake for this one.

Anyway, I am going to tell you about a perfume I bought. I have been wanting to buy a really unique perfume for some time. I don't fancy smelling like everyone else. I wanted something unique and captivating (do you like my big choice of words there?). I wanted something that made peoples heads (or noses) turn.

Now, when Google-ing this, I came across something rather interesting. Celebs nowadays are trying out a new type of scent. Prepare yourselves. . . celebs are going for something called Eu De Stilton. Yes. . . Stilton. And, Yes. .  .the scent is cheese. Now, you may be in a state of shock so, being the kind person that I am, I will do the maths for you.

Eu De Stilton + Man/Woman = Man/Woman Stinking Of Cheese.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong but, if your trying to impress someone, be it your friends, family, or partner, surely cheese is not the road you want to go down. I mean, it's not even the humble MILD CHEDDAR. We're talking about something that, quite frankly, smells of sweaty feet! Why spend ridiculous amounts of money on the perfume? My not just stick a piece of actual Stilton down your top and be done with it? JUST IMAGINE public transport if this perfume was a 'success'. I mean, they already smell questionable now. A Monday morning bus/train/tube usually has the concoction of stale vomit, urine, and sometimes, oddly enough, banana's. I don't quite know where the banana scent comes from. But it's there, lurking in the corners. A relief from the other smells, but mixed up is just lethal.

Anyway, I obviously didn't want to go down the Stilton route any time soon. So I found a perfume that fitted my requirements perfectly. This perfume was a head turner. I read literally hundreds of reviews and most of them said how amazing this perfume smelled. Apparently, it is one chemical that works with your own pheromones to create a unique 'you' smell. As I said, about 99.9% of the reviews said how amazing it was and that every time they wore it, they would get complimented on it. So I thought I'd splash out and go for it. Surely, I thought, I wouldn't be like the remaining 0.1% who claimed they couldn't smell anything. So I ordered it.

The day of the arrival of my perfume came and . . . I missed the delivery. So I went to the post office to retrieve it. (Bare in mind, I rang the post office to see if I could come 15 minutes after the closing time because I wouldn't be able to get there beforehand. The gentleman was so kind that he said he would be there to give me my package). So I got there, only to find out that my parcel wasn't in fact at the Post Office but the Postman still had it. SO my friend and I drove around looking for the Postman, to no avail. (Yes, people did get slightly freaked out when we ran up to them asking if they'd seen the postman. And No, certain people in red tops didn't appreciate it when we ran towards them with a face full of hope, only to frown at them and walk away defeated, realising they weren't who we were looking for).

Anyway, I had to wait until the next day to receive my package. FINALLY I got my hands on it. I applied it straight away. Now, the reviews said I would get a smell resembling alcohol rub at first. Then I wouldn't be able to smell anything for a while. Then it would hit me after about 20 minutes.

So, on application it smelled like pepper. Okay, I thought, maybe that's some people's interpretation of alcohol rub. I then waited 20 minutes. I smelled. It smelled of pepper. So I waited a further 20 minutes. It smelled like pepper. Yes, my pheromones obviously smell of pepper. To say I wasn't too thrilled is an understatement. I was devastated. But I have had 3 compliments. But it stops smelling after a few hours. So, if you ever are on public transport, or just walking down a street and you smell pepper, it will be coming from me. Or a pepper factory. Whichever is closest to you at the time.

So, that's my perfume adventures over. Yes, a big disappointment it was. But I shall not be swayed. I will find a perfume. One day, I will find The One!

So, as I said, this is probably one of my worst posts yet. But hang in there, I will be on top form soon!!

Keep Smeating Folks! (Smeating is my new word. .  .Smiling and Eating. It's surprisingly difficult to do both at the same time).

Ditzy Polka Dot xXx


  1. Not bad, my dear friend, it is actually quite good.:). Look forward to your next one. Chibs xx