I wasn't going to write about the World Cup until after it was all over but let's face it, so much has happened so far, I feel this needs to be the first part of a two part series! I don't really think I know it all, but I do have some quite strong opinions on a few things. So let me stop beating around the bush and just get on with it.
The World Cup 2014 Song
Heard it yet? Wow. That is all I have to say. What a monstrosity of gargantuan proportions!!! Just no!! In my opinion, Pitbull should be put on an island full of skinny girls, no standards and flags of Cuba everywhere, because, ya know, he seems to want to remind us and himself of the fact that he is Cuban. In every single song. Also, I like JLo. Who doesn't? But really? You guys could've done wayyyy better than that. It's like they recorded it in ten minutes in between flights or something, listened to it and thought, "no this needs to be more Brazilian", grabbed a random Brazilian off the street, got her to talk a bit and then just sneaked it into the song. It's messy and just outright shocking. Where's will.i.am when you need him, eh?
So... yeah... we didn't do so great did we? To be honest, I think individuals did well, like Sterling, Sturridge (hehe, spell check wants to change that to Porridge xD), Cahill and Lallana. But then we come to the likes of Gerrard and Rooney. But I've reserved them a paragraph each so I'm not gonna go on about them here. Personally, I think some of our players are just there for the sake of their name and not actually for their skill. I think some of them are past their prime and it's time to move on, however harsh that sounds.
Also, as amazing as our younger players played (they really did do well), I personally think it was early days for them. The World Cup is massive and it must be an intimidating prospect to play in. So I think they themselves need to be focused on loads and trained up amazingly over the next few years, ready for the Euro 2016 and the next World Cup (in Qatar of all places?? I mean, really?). For this reason then, I think some of our older players need to step down now and give the other lads the limelight.
I like Gerrard. I really do. I like his face and his accent. And he seems like an alright guy. I do however, think he needs to think about his career seriously now. There's just been too many slip ups (quite literally) when I've seen him play. He's been making a lot of mistakes and to be honest, it was like watching the Prem all over again. Personally, I think he's let everything get to him and he's just struggling. It's like he's scared of the ball now and I hate seeing that. So I don't know, maybe it's time to take your break now Stevie? But whatevs. If you stay, I will still delight in watching that beautiful face =')
Ohhhh where oh where do I start?! Don't worry, this isn't going to be a massive rant/hate binge on the guy. I don't hate him at all. Dislike? Hmmm... we'll go with "dislike intensely". I intensely dislike Rooney and I shall tell you why. At first, I refused to dislike him because I thought everyone was just hating on him for the sake of hating. Then I saw him play. My views quickly changed.
*I've started a new paragraph. This is where the SRANT begins (that's code for Semi-Rant)* Rooney, Rooney, Rooney. What are you doing??????? Honestly, he runs like he can't be bothered, he looks like he can't bothered and he plays like he can't be bothered. He's just a big lump of non-botheredness. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he was great back in the day (I wouldn't know, I wasn't into footy then) but what I've seen now, nah, it's not there anymore. There's no spark and it's like he's just playing to pay for his house. Which I'm sure is already paid for. That's it now though. He's made his millions, paid for that shocking hair transplant (that has done him no favours) and so he's done. And to be honest, if you've had to undergo a hair transplant, I'm pretty sure it's a great big massive sign that it's over.
Also, while we're on the subject, how on earth did he get Coleen? I mean really? I'm just kidding. I'm sure Wayne has a heart under that false pretense of football expertise he professes to have.
So I've left the best until last, kind of how you leave that last bit of steak 'til the end of your meal, after you've cleared your chips and veg (what I like to call, the unessentials). Oooh how apt!
So Suarez has made headlines yet again for his cannibalistic ways. Now, I think we’d better just put all of this in context. On the 19th July, we were hailing him as one of the best players known to man, after those two beautiful goals he scored during the England vs Uruguay game. Okay, so we all hated him for scoring against us, but ya know, we’ll skip over that. In fact I wrote a status the next morning saying how important it was for Liverpool fans to appreciate what an absolute quality player they have in Suarez.
Skip 5 days (five days!) later to the Uruguay vs Italy match on the 24th July, and BAM! Different story. So I didn’t watch the match because I was too focused on the Costa Rica vs England game. But apparently, Suarez got frustrated and allegedly bit Giorgio Chiellini. Well, it’s not allegedly. It’s blatantly there in black and white. No it’s in colour but its actual video footage and photographic evidence.
My take on it is this: Suarez felt like he’d lost control of the situation and therefore decided to take a chunk out of Chiellini. Chiellini gets startled by the unprovoked attack, elbows Suarez in the face (like a reflex), Suarez realises what he’s done, throws his hands in the air for a second (“aaah what have I done!?”), leaps to the floor and holds his teeth, like they're the victims in this situation. It’s only when he’s on the floor, gripping his teeth ‘til kingdom come, that he realises what an awful situation he’s in. I can only imagine the thoughts going through his mind.
“Oh my word!! How stupid! That’s it. This is the end of my career”
“This is the third time”
“Just keep holding your teeth Louis. Don’t let go of the teeth. If you let go of your teeth, you’re letting go of football forever. Just hold on or we’re going home”
“I should have had that burrito before the game!”
So he must’ve been devastated at what he’d done. There’s no doubt. I mean I honestly think he just didn’t know what to do and just lost control. That doesn’t make it any better but that’s just my take on it. What annoyed me though was the fact he tried to deny it. Then he was saying that he was elbowed in the face. Erm, yeah, after you took a chunk out of the guy. Just apologise, accept the consequences and move on. But don’t deny it! I mean I’m hungry all the time Lou, but I don’t go around taking chunks out of random people, no matter how fine they are. Can you imagine if all hormonal, menstrual girls did a Suarez? That’s the apocalypse you guys need to worry about.
So the internet had a field day and social media blew up, with Suarez still trending on Twitter today, two days later. Some of the memes that were made were honestly hilarious. So in honour (that’s not the right term but you know what I mean) of the three times Suarez turned into Hannibal, I’ve decided to share my top three memes with you. And I also made one myself so I’ll add that too.
***Oh and also, as the results go, Suarez has been banned from 9 matches, participating in any football related activities for the next 4 months (therefore ruling out any further participation in the World Cup 2014) and he’s been fined £65,000. Too right, I say. But honestly, Suarez clearly needs helps and I honestly hope he gets all the help he needs. Because he’s an amazing player. You simply cannot deny he has unbeatable skill. So sort your head out Lou and then maybe you can come back a newly reformed man =)***
Conclusion & Predictions
So it’s been an absolute disappointingly excruciating time for England, with no pride intact whatsoever, losing all three games. But really and truly, how did we expect them to beat Costa Rica when, about a month ago, Rooney probably thought it was just another coffee shop. (This joke is blatantly stolen off Hugh Dennis on Mock The Week who said something similar. It’s also a bit irrelevant seeing as he didn’t actually play in the Costa Rica game, but meh, I like it so I’m keeping it). But I do still have hopes for the Euro and the next World Cup, provided we focus on our young talent and train them up properly.
Oh yeah and has anyone heard that song that was on a World Cup advert (I think it was for Dre Beats or something? It’s called Jungle by Jamie N Commons and X Ambassadors ft Jay Z? Anyway, it’s such a fab song! It’s so motivational and would be absolutely perf for a run, walk or workout! But will someone please tell ol’ Jay that you can’t drink out of the actual World Cup trophy. It’s not hollow bruh =S
Predictions. . . Well I said from the beginning that I reckon Brazil will win. (Can we just appreciate Neymar for a second please? He's iinvincible! And I love his hair!!! That blonde is epic! And quite frankly, he is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l). BUT, after seeing Algeria and how amazingly they played, I dunno, I think they have something.
So, may the next 17 days be filled with cheers, anger, laughter, absolute brutal banter, booze and just absolute joy all in all. Enjoy the rest of the Cup, may the best team win and I will do my next World Cup post on Monday 14th July. Enjoy peeps!
Keep smiling, folks!
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