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Monday, 7 October 2013

Relationships, Advice, Annoying Advice Givers, Irrationality and How Chocolate Is Better Than Gold ;)

"Let me tell you where you're going wrong in your relationship" said the single person to the person having relationship issues.

I can imagine you right now. Reading this blog on your laptop/computer/phone sitting on your sofa, travelling on the train, walking in the cold, or sat in a cafĂ© feeling slightly awkward because you're waiting for someone but you don't want to seem like a loner. So you've got your phone out to try and look less lonely to others. And you've decided to take a look a my blog. Thank you by the way! But I can predict two different responses by two different groups of people. Those off the market and in a relationship will tense up at the above sentence. That sentence will send a shiver down their spines as its remind them of a certain someone offering "friendly advice" on their relationship issues. Then there's those that are single. I can imagine you slumping down in your seat, getting more comfortable, like sipping a warm creamy hot chocolate on a cold winters night, smug smile on your face. You've either offered this "advice" to someone or you're just happy that you haven't got the hassle of relationship issues.

Anyway, either way, we all know who I'm talking about. That one friend who has never been in a proper relationship, or hasn't been in one in a while, or is perhaps even newly single but immediately grabbing singleness by the horns. Or maybe you are that friend.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am that person. As much as it pains me to say it, I am that single friend who gives advice out on how to try and heal a relationship. However, I have to stress, I don't offer this advice. I only give it out when asked. When a friend is stressed out about an issue that he/she has, I may be one of the people they turn to. And I'm happy to help if I can. I like to think I'm pretty unbiased when it comes to stuff like that. I know how important and yet fragile relationships are and I'd never try and get involved in someone's issues. I've got enough of my own and I'm not drama's biggest fan. Like, if drama was walking towards me on a street, I would cross the road. Heck, I'd cross a motorway without a pedestrian/zebra crossing to avoid it. And yes, I know a motorway doesn't have crossings anyway but I'm saying it to add effect. Is it working? And also, anyone that knows me knows that I hate crossing any sort of road. Safety is a big thing for me and no matter how clear the road is, I will wait for the green man before I cross that death trap.

So anyway, through my 19 years in this world I've witnessed many relationships. Wait. . . that makes them sound like murder. Let's rephrase that. Through my 19 years in this world I've observed many relationships. Many. But I'm not complaining. Even though I'm not currently in one, I feel I'm ready to handle anything a relationship throws at me. *Famous last words*. But really, I think my observations have paid off and I think I've learnt lots about relationships, particularly about how some guys and girls think.

*** DISCLAIMER: Emphasis on the some guys and girls. I am not implying that all guys and girls are like this. So please don't twist my words and please don't take me wrong. This is just my humble observations that I thought I'd share. ***

So I was talking to a friend about this whole thing. There's that whole stereotype about guys being players and going off with other girls and such like. But I've noticed an increase in girls doing this recently. I'm not saying girls never used to be like that. But in my life, I've recently seen more and more leave good, respectable guys for other guys.

Now, there is that whole argument that we don't know what goes on behind closed doors and we don't know what has moved the person to take such drastic actions. But in my opinion, nothing condones unfaithfulness. If it's not working out with your boyfriend/girlfriend and the relationship is really beyond repair, just end it. Don't go off with someone else. As hard as it would be for someone to take the fact that you're ending the relationship, wouldn't it be better for them to know that it ended because stuff just wasn't working out, rather than being told that you've found someone else?

But anyway, this friend and I came to this conclusion: for some guys, it's looks that attract them most. Beautiful girl and then personality comes after. Not to say personality doesn't matter to a guy. That's not what I'm saying at all. But for girls, we say we're looking for someone genuine. Someone who can make us laugh maybe? I don't know what your big thing is but mine is humour. A guy that can make me belly laugh means a lot. But that doesn't mean that any guy that makes me laugh will instantly have my heart. But it helps. It's a requirement for me. But I'm not one of those girls that says looks don't matter. Because they do. I'm not being shallow, I'm being real. There has to be a physical attraction. Don't deny it! But that doesn't mean that he has to look like a model and every girl that walks past him practically palpitates and faints. I don't care what others think about him. As long as I'm attracted to him, other people's opinions don't matter.

So anyway, this is the conclusion: Guys look for a beautiful girl. If a beautiful guy gives a girl attention and tries to get to know her, it will make her feel beautiful. Because she has it in her mind that guys automatically go for beautiful girls. And if she's never had that before, it will feel even more special. Because it is special. So if things work out and beautiful guy starts going out with beautiful girl, yay for them! But then this can get to beautiful girl's head. She might start thinking that because this beautiful guy was attracted to her, maybe the possibilities are endless. Who else could she get? And so the competition within herself begins. And she falls into a trap. And finds someone else.

Again, this isn't the case all the time. And the proverbial tables could easily be turned and a guy could find himself in this position. But this is just my observations of a few relationships I've observed.

So people, I think my message today is all about appreciation. Appreciate what you have. Because if it's good, it's worth keeping hold of. And I'm not just talking about relationships. This goes with pretty much everything. Look for the good in what you have. If it's broken, try to fix it. If it's good, make it even better. Because good is hard to find. But I'm convinced that when you've got it, you need to keep tight hold of it.

Oh just a side point, Cadbury's are doing this thing where you might find a bar of gold instead of chocolate in one of their dairy milk bars. Now, this is rather exciting. But me currently being a menstrual minstrel, I'm in that select time of month where nothing is positive and everything is a great big negative. Want to know how finding a bar of gold in your chocolate wrapper is a negative? I'll tell you. . .

Maybe I just want chocolate. Maybe I've walked all the way to Morrisons, bought myself a chocolate bar and slowly tortured myself by waiting until I walked all the way home again to open it and dig in. I will have gotten into my JimJams, set up residence on the sofa with a duvet, glasses on, ready to watch my daily chain of New Girl followed by the Mindy Project. I will probably have a glass of either Coke and Milk, a cup of hot chocolate, or a cuppa chaa. I'll probably have forgotten my chocolate in my bag which is miiiiiles away (on the other sofa... about half a meter away but it still requires me to get up). After sighing and moaning, I'll get it, reassume my seat on the sofa again, open the wrapper ready to devour this much anticipated bar of gloriousness when BAM! It's a bar of gold. I would cry. I'm not even kidding, I would cry. Because all rationality, sensibleness, common sense, and everything else, has left me. I want my chocolate. And I would sacrifice my right arm for it.

Yes you may say that if you cashed the gold you could buy a million bars of chocolate. But that takes time. And it requires me to get up and go and change my clothes and walk and wait. I can't handle that. I need the chocolate.

Guys, if you're reading this, those top two paragraphs have probably freaked you out no end. To be honest, reading it back, it's made me feel a little bit scared of myself. But it's true. Even I can't believe how awful I sound. But this is a glimpse into a woman's mind when she's at her most vulnerable. So just accept it. And like that meme that's currently been circulating the 'net for about 3 years says:

"If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is.
If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her".
 
Ha! And you all thought that meme was created purely in jest. Nope. It was created by a menstrual woman. Or a guy who's been seriously injured by a menstrual woman and therefore learnt from his mistakes and is kind enough to warn other guys about it ;)
 
Just a piece of advice I thought I'd share ;)
 
Keep smiling folks!
 
Ditzy xXx

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