Reggae, Dancehall, Calories, Kebabs & Why Dieters Annoy Me

What's gwaaarning famalam?

Excuse the unorthodox greeting but I'm feeling pretty alternative/excited/happy/chilled right now. That might be down to the fact that I have my Reggae & Dancehall playlist blasting through my ears at work right now. And Vybz Kartel is playing right now. It's weird how you can feel so chill and yet dance-y at the same time. Reggae definitely hits new levels that's for sure. Oh my word, how annoying is it that Vybz is jailed for life?! Don't get me wrong, I completely support the decision as I believe criminals should be behind bars and not walking the streets. But what an idiot?! Because let's be honest, you lock up Vybz, you lock up dancehall. But anyway, I'm sure that the current artists will step up and keep it all going.

Oooooh have you guys heard that thing in the news about kebabs? Apparently people are concerned about what meat they're getting at takeaways, with kebab houses being the main concern. Right, I'm sorry but..... say what? Everyone knows that if you buy a donner kebab, you could well be eating the intestines of a goat, the tongue of an Ox, the feet of several cows and a horses hoof just for good measure. I mean you don't exactly buy a kebab for quality lamb now do you? So stop bloomin' complaining and just eat. Or give up eating kebabs. But if you did that, you'd have a kebab shaped whole in your heart. For the rest of your life. So I would advise against it. Just live in a state of oblivion like me and you'll be alright ;)

Also, for those complaining about donner kebabs containing other meats which is detrimental to certain religions (eg. Sikhs can't eat beef and Muslims can't eat pork), well okay fine. That's understandable. But what I don't understand is those who go for nights out drinking, then go for a kebab after, and then complain about the kebab containing meat that they can't eat. I mean I'm sorry but, what? So you've been out getting absolutely gazebo'd (which is probably against your religion) and then you complain about unintentionally eating meat that you're not allowed to eat? Don't make me laugh bruv! And you all know who you are ;)

Okay so since we're on the subject of kebabs, let's talk the latter subjects of the title of this post. Calories and why dieters annoy me!

So yeah, I'm trying to lose weight by going for walks. I've been for three 3 mile walks this week and I'm really rather proud of myself. I'm already seeing a difference in my weight. I'm also doing a 30 day Squats challenge, a 30 day abs challenge, a 30 day planking challenge and a 30 day arms challenge... All in one month. Yeah, I don't do things by halves! But they're only little exercises that take me about 15 minutes a day which isn't so bad. But I'm trying to overall eat healthier but I had a Maccy Dees yesterday after my walk so, I still allow myself treats ;) Because what is life without treats?! So dieters in general don't annoy me. But annoying dieters do.

Picture the scenario:

Annoying Dieter: "Oooh I really fancy a Twix. Oooh no I shouldn't. Oooh should I? Because I do deserve it after being so good. But ooooh a minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. Oooh Ditzy, what do you think?"

Me: "I think you should do what makes you happy."

Annoying Dieter: "Well a Twix would really make me happy. Right! That's it, I've decided! I'm gonna get myself a Twix. Ooooh, naughty! But yeah, I'm going to do it!"

Me: *bites into 3rd doughnut*

****some time after consumption of Twix has taken place****

Annoying Dieter: "I SO should NOT have had that Twix. Oh I feel terrible. Oh I regret eating that bar of poison. Oh what have I done! Look you can already see my stomach is bigger! Look!"

Me: *bites into 8th doughnut while looking at stomach in a confused state*

Annoying Dieter: "Oh what am I gonna do! Oh I failed. I fail at life. I fail at diets. I'm such a loser! But obviously not a loser of weight. It's about the only thing I don't lose. Oh life! Must you be so cruel?! That's it. I need a gastric band! I don't care about the risks. Book me one! I'm booking it now. I will book one right this minute. Oh that stupid Twix! Never will I ever eat a Twix in my whole entire life!!!!"

Me: *punches Annoying Dieter in face and then bites into 9th doughnut*.


See what I mean? It's these annoying dieters that give dieters a bad name. I mean, if you're gonna treat yourself, let it be just that: A treat. Enjoy it. Savour it. And then move on! And why call treats "naughty"? I mean, think of the feelings! How would you like to be labelled "naughty" all the time? Don't discriminate, people. Appreciate.

And while we're on the subject, who on earth came up with that ridiculous saying:

"I minute on the lips is a lifetime on the hips"

No. Calories need homes too! Just eat the darn Twix and then get on with yo lives! 

*breathe*... Evidently I have strong opinions on the matter. But you all know what I mean right? But if anyone is dieting or just trying to have a healthier lifestyle, I wish you all the best! Seriously.

So guys, I hope you've enjoyed this post. The SECOND of the week. Oh I do spoil you ;) Though truth be told, it's the least I could do after not posting for so long before. Thanks for reading and have a fantabulous Bank Holiday weekend. Thursday this week is essentially Friday people! Now sing Rebecca Black's Friday song today. Yes! On a Thursday. Because we are fearless rule breakers! ;)

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

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You Make Me Wanna.....Munch!

It's been a while since my last entry so I thought I'd better write one soon. The thing is, I had no idea what to write about....I think they call it "writers block". But now the ideas have come in waves! It's always the case, isn't it?

So, you may think the title to this entry is kind of weird. Well, I'm pretty sure everyone knows at least one person who is, quite frankly, an immature....individual (the key here is self control!!!). If you haven't already noticed from my other posts, I like to eat. I love food! Now, when someone comes along and looks down on people who eat, they just spur me on even more. They make me wanna eat even more! I don't understand people who judge. Before mentioning the rafter in my eye, remove the rafter in your own eye first. Then perhaps we can focus on me.

To be honest, I admire people who are big and proud! Miranda Hart, for example, has had to endure so much criticism over her weight, when she is an amazing comedienne. Why do people focus so much on looks and not on the actual talent?!?!?! (NB: If you don't know who Miranda Hart is, PLEASE Google her!!! She's amaaaazing!!!)

Now, it must be said, I'm not one of those people who say things like " to all you haters out there....." (not that there is anything remotely wrong with that. It's just not my style). But for this entry, it must be done.

So, to all you haters out there... Hate all you want. Stare all you want. Laugh all you want. Gossip all you want. I have my mates. I have my family. I have my unending love for small, insignificant things. You clearly don't have that. And, really and truly, you make me wanna munch! 

Ditzy Polka Dot xXx

Forbidden Words at the Gym...=S

For those that know me, it will be a tremendous shock to you that I, Ditzy Polka Dot, who loves food more than people, have joined a Gym. Yes, the place with scary machines that put a fear and nervousness in you that you didn't realize you would EVER experience. The place in which people go to lose weight and tone up, even though the only ones I have seen so far are so toned and slim, you wonder why they are even there! Yes, ok, so they want to stay the wonderful shape they are, but it is kind of.....soul destroying, to put it lightly. But hey, I take consolation in the fact that they may have been slightly on the larger side before they got where they are today...perhaps....maybe....hopefully =S.

So anyway, the first time I went was as a free guest with a friend, to try out the facilities. That was interesting. It was like the blind leading the blind. But we had a great time, even if we did make certain people feel slightly nauseous with our poor attempt at stretching. So I had finished all my water 10 minutes into our "exercising" that I had to refill my bottle. I then get this unexplainable craving for KFC. So i announce to my friend, rather loudly, that I "fancy a KFC". Well, let me tell you, THAT was a mistake of gargantuan proportions! A girl passing me (the size of a twig, might I add) gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen! I then realize where I am and regret my choice of timing and food choice. I also realize that the mention of any takeaway foods is simply forbidden in the gym... be it KFC, Burger King, McDonalds, or Pizza Hut.

So after a tough workout at the gym, I announce rather loudly that I fancy a poached egg with spinach, wild rocket, avocado, watercress, and other leafy green rabbit food for dinner when I get home. I also look out for the girl that passed me to give her a smug look implying " I may be slightly large, but I can also eat like a rabbit, just like you love". But I can't see her, much to my dismay. So with that, I leave the gym with my head held high, and my stomach sucked in and have my dinner...


It isn't quite the salad....its a 3 piece variety meal from KFC.....but don't worry, I had coleslaw!

Ditzy Polka Dot xXx